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When did you realize that your ex/stbx hated you?

September 14, 2021September 14, 2021 by Admin

Not all relationships end up going down in flames. If you do not feel this way then this does not include you.

I always wondered how people got into relationships and how they endured so much abuse. Well, now being divorced for about three years I see how. I could not go buy a house by myself with my husband at the time but I also see that women who are independent who could move out at any time go through the same thing.

It is sad seeing these stories time and time again and at times second guessing if you are overreacting or being moody.

My mom gave me a journal and I took advantage of writing down all of the things that I have experienced after divorce and during my marriage. So sense I am sadly still adding to this list, here it goes.

All of these things have happened while dating and married. I realize that I was somewhat started to become alienated from my family and being viewed as someone who may be overreacting. Thank goodness for therapy. Someone who was never in debt ended up almost being homeless after divorce if it was not for my ex rushing to get out of the marriage yet hating me for it which made no sense. None of these are not necessarily in order but they pop up with random triggers.

Threatened to kick me out of every place that we lived even while pregnant and in front of his mom. While pregnant I had to apologize to him mom for his irrational behavior but had to apologize like I was the one in the wrong.
Purchased two income properties without my knowledge. His mom knew about the first one and I was in early stages of pregnancy so when I snapped on him it made it seem like I was being ungrateful as they were going to the bank together.
Threatened an annulment
Took my engagement ring away from me because I did not agree to marry him at the last minute while my family was in town for an event unrelated to us
Threatened a divorce more than once
Threatened cheating with someone with a better career as me
States emotionally cheating
Got in my face as if he was a football player yelling
Chest bump me in anger as if he was fighting
While living with his parents, they both kicked us out of their housing and we had to sleep at his grandmother’s flat because they were fighting over a damn bagel. First physical fight I have ever seen between a family
Threatened to kill himself while I was out of town
Said working from home was useless
Said school was useless
Told him I did not want to be engaged but did it anyway and when he did it, he did it on Christmas where he knew there was a family party the same day
Texted my parents that they were not invited to the home we owned together while they were coming from out of town. My mom had to show me the text. He failed to tell his parents because he had them clean a bathroom that was unfinished and had his dad fix a wall and door he punched a hole in while angry at me because I walked away.
Allowed his mom to send my parents facebook messages about how disrespectful they are yet she only man my parents maybe 5 times since we were together for almost 10 years.
While living with his parents and bleeding after pregnancy there was no hot water and my ex did not care. I had to adjust the hot water tank to get hot water and he thought it was funny to tell on me.
I replaced the shower head at the home because he refused to do so.
Would not allow me to run up the milage on his vehicle when my AC went out in my car.
Had a meeting with his parents and then turned it on me. His parents laughed about the incident of him taking my engagement ring away from me. Made me apologize to him after the meeting because it stirred up his mom thinking I was replacing her which I believe he told me to rile me up. Might have been a lie.
Helped trade my car in (which he did help for a down payment). Only helped me out because when my parents arrived they were concerned because it was dripping water inside. As we were trading in his car and mine. He changed his mind about the down payment amount and my car note went up. He told me I was ungrateful and had us both calling the dealership a lot to get some money back.
Getting the first car together he allowed the salespeople to disrespect me
Had his mom buy a dining room table without telling me but had me stay at the home waiting for an arrival but did not tell me what it was until it arrived.
Used money we were both saving for a door for something else.
Stopped paying on windows that we were splitting. Lead to a late fee and could have ruined my credit. Lied and said he told me he stopped payments.
Threw me on the floor in front of our child who was 2 at the time. Pulled his hand back as if he would punch me. Denies he did it after half ass apologizing. His mom swears I provoked him. After bringing it up he said it should be in the past and then later says if it happened I would have called the police.
Insulted me in front of a co worker saying I looked better online than in person
Hid keys from me where I was almost late for work because I avoided talking to him because if his nasty attitude. I just started the job so I could have been reprimanded.
Almost walked out the day we were finding out the sex of the baby because of something that happened a few days prior.
Picked random times to drop me off in front of the home or made me walk a long way to the door while I was till healing
Did things with his “friends” that I always wanted to do with him.
Only visited my parents twice while together.
Never complimented intelligence unless he was talking to friends to show off
Always talked bad about his family
Called the police on me 4 times
Told attorney I needed to clean the home but yet left soiled underwear in a sink from our daughter and kept coming over to shower and eat while he was living at his parents house
Called the police on me while I calling the police on him because an incident of him throwing me on the floor was about to happen again. Almost took our daughter somewhere, took my phone and had to use my watch for an emergency.
Only had parents come over to fix what HE wanted to fix
Hated his family to come over
Never wanted his family involved in our daughters daycare activities even if we as parents were not able to make it.
Never took a day off while our daughter was sick.
Only washed dishes twice while we moved in together.
Broke glass while arguing over laundry or the thermostat.
Secretive about money and almost used gaslighting to tell me I must enjoy living alone
Never discussed finances
Did the silent treatment for a few weeks before divorce
Never volunteered to take a day off from work to spend time with his child.
never woke up early to drop our daughter off at school
Had friends who are yes people but also talked crap about them. Even his high school friend and now wife!
Sucked his fingers in his sleep
Got a Used BMW after getting me a new car. So this is the 2nd time he owed two car notes. Was able to visualize when he would complete payments.
Never stood up for me for ANYTHING.
Living with his parents his mom would feel threatened if I needed help. His dad could fix anything like mine and he never lended a hand.
Parents helped him out living in a condo that was a fixture upper like the house we got which caused issues. He told me I was not doing enough but his parents were helping him. Even mentioned his mom was paying his car note.
Locked myself into the condo bathroom, called my and then blamed her for saying something which I do not know exactly was it was. That is when I realized what a mental breakdown was which I did not realize until years later.
Told me if I should have acted right he would not have divorced me.
Never voluntarily took our daughter to the doctor while married or cook or anything. He would come home and go to sleep so all I would do is get her ready for daycare, work, pick her up from daycare and cook her food. Even though I hated living with his parents during my pregnancy. It was the only time I had help.
Only went grocery shopping with me on one hand.
Refused to pick me up something from the store after he got off from work that contributed to me cooking him a meal.
Told me that I needed to be out of the house by the time he came home because I said something he did not like.
Always looked down on my trying to save a money or get a discount. Cared more about luxury.
Was out buying new clothes while I was in the hospital with the baby recovering from surgery. Eventually came back while my mom went home and then kept saying he wanted to leave because he did not like hospitals. Telling him a few things I did not like about my doctor he did not care but then told me he did not like her after she suggested I stay in the hospital few more days.
Called his mom first when he was injured at work and never told me
Did not care to have me be with him while he got surgery on his knee.
While he was getting surgery he ended up realizing his mom took a purse my mom got me and was rocking it like it was her. His dad and mom thought it was funny. Never got the purse back.
Never wanted to talk about life insurance or 401k until he was ready to.
delayed talking about marriage
Snowed while we were getting a divorce, he or his dad never showed up to help shovel the snow and my daughter was with me. We ended up slipping on ice while we were leaving out.
Wanted two weeks with our daughter after divorce but prior to that refused to help me with watch her while I was in school. Made arrangements with a family member and then changed his mind.
I could never use his parking space while in the condo, even while pregnant.
Form of alienation, while finding out the sex of the baby I wanted to go so my parents and then my ex all of a sudden wanted to spend time with me and manipulated my mother in letting him do so.
Manipulated my mother in calling her first after I refused him demanding me watching our daughter on his time. Therapy made me realize why I accepted so much from him.
Told me while our daughter was young that she was learning how to manipulate which made him happy but was mad at me for saying I was feeding her information about her knowing what “police” meant even though she has witnessed the police two or three times.
Called our daughter a parrot in thinking I am feeding our daughter information even though our daughter tells me things randomly when I do not ask her. My daughter told him one time to be “nice to me” and she was only 3 years old. Told him this on two occasions which made him livid.
While pregnant he drove, he usually would make me drive but usually not his car. I was so hungry and he refused stopping for food. As we got to a place to eat I got so nauseated I was throwing up on an empty stomach.
When his dad died he said he called to tell me. I was empathetic and asked if he wanted my daughter there for comfort as his moms. A while later he calls me and then makes it as if he deserved to have our daughter and planned on his cousin who he barely talks to, to come pick her up. After asking if there was a car seat he got so upset. I ended up dropping our daughter off as his moms house and he was not even there. That night he refused to return her even though our custody was in place. I had a mental breakdown again after his mom got on the phone and told them they were crazy. Made a police report. He said he would not return her that night like we agreed upon and would return her two days later. That morning a knock on my door and him telling me his mom is grieving she is there with our daughter. He left me a voicemail saying she was at the door while it sounded like he was sleeping.
Refuses to tell me when he takes our daughter to the doctor or gets her a script
More than likely he was cheating on me while married and remarried quickly.
Rushed the divorce and took me back to court to revise the allocation
Wanted full custody when he never spent more than 48 hours alone with our child. Probably not even 24 hours.
Threatened to kick me out of the home before the time agreed upon knowing I had no place to live.
While living in a condo a years back he sold the home while I was in early stages of pregnancy and believe I was not owed anything. Did not even tell me how much he sold the place for.
Told me I was not independent enough but he never lived anywhere outside of his parents home other than with me.
His mom would call him when he moved to take the groceries out of the car while her husband was at home.]
Told his attorney that I was being “hostile” to his wife when we have only spoken to each other twice and decided to agree through attorneys to only speak through a family application before he told his attorney this.
Never allowed me to have long convos with his friends.
Talked so much stuff about his cousin and hated him for leaving him to go into the army yet told him something personal. He allowed his cousin to seem like he “checked” me over the phone.
Showed up with his parents and cousin during our court proceedings and a bailiff said he was good guy. He sat beside me the entire time.
Took on traits of his “friends” yet also hated him and talked about their wives and lifestyle
Made jokes about Chris Rock and laughed at agreeing that no man would want a woman with children
Allowed his new wife to tell me how to coparent and say he is a good man.
I went out of state to see my parents with our daughter who I have not visited in about a year or two. Come back and the front lawn that we both still owned a month after divorce was redone. The bushes I did not want pulled up were pulled. His parents paid for everything.
My dad fixed one of his tools and he got mad at me for his dad fixing it.
Only purchased me things that made him look better.
Allows his racial microgressions to be placed on our daughter and allows his wife to make comments about hair texture
Gets upset at our daughter for mentioning missing me or any other family member other than him.
Refused to let me know how she is being picked up from school.
Has gone to pick our daughter up from daycare after telling him ahead of time and he still picked her up anyway with letting me know
When he got remarried, did not bother doing his daughters hair (which I did) and kept it a secret like my daughter would not tell me.
Only had his daughter attend the marriage and nothing else while he had his dads sister in law who he barely associated with while we were married to drop our daughter off at daycare. Took hours to figure out who my daughter referred to as uncle and aunt when he only has one blood aunt which is my sister.
Blames our daughter’s bad behavior on me and not him in that he probably has still not been around his daughter for a straight 24 hours alone since she was born.
Pushed his mom down in front of our daughter.
Has a a liberation African American flag in the home that we used to own together yet still disrespects his black mother and black ex wife and worships the ground his new non black wife walks on.
Told me once that it made more sense for his mom to pay for swimming classes for our daughter but would not make sense if my sister did it.
Always wanted to take credit on giving my parents gifts. Never volunteered to buy a card or gifts for my parents/family members since we were together.
Had private convos about our daughters daycare.
Finding out his mom was paying for utilities and daycare while divorced and he was still traveling overseas to see his new girlfriend.
Believing he met his girlfriend in a country I always wanted to visit when he barely would leave the house.
Got into activities with his fake friends when he never had interest in anything on his own.
Was ok with me buying him things but never cared about me saying I was in debt. (I do not blame him for my debt but we ended up being like roommates unless it was a large purchased he wanted when my credit was still great.)
Made it appear that I did not pay utilities and cable or buy groceries within the household.
Wanted me to be a working 9-5 house wife.
Sabotaged our married counseling even though he chose the counselor.
Before we were married, started off counseling session talking about how much money he spent on me. This counselor was not great so we stopped going.
Would talk to me after divorce randomly and then a few weeks later his attorney would send me something
When he saw my new car after divorce, he decided to take me back to court for child support.
Lied to the judge saying his mom lived with him.
Would always critique how I cleaned or did certain things